Eros

Love is something that has many meanings and is interpreted in many ways. Lewis’s book on the four loves covers Affection, Friendship, Eros, and Charity. While all of these loves are in their own right fascinating, Eros is the one up for discussion. “By Eros I mean of course that state which we call "being in love"; or, if you prefer, that kind of love which lovers are "in." This love that we would perceive married couples to have for each other, but in fact it is only a small portion of that relationship. Lewis points out that Eros is not just sex and it seems that sex is only a small portion of Eros. “Very often what comes first is simply a delighted pre-occupation with the Beloved a general, unspecified pre-occupation with her in her totality. A man in this state really hasn't leisure to think of sex. He is too busy thinking of a person. The fact that she is a woman is far less important than the fact that she is herself. He is full of desire, but the desire may not be sexually toned. If you asked him what he wanted, the true reply would often be, "To go on thinking of her." Lewis describes a man who is infatuated with the inner beauty of a woman without really considering the shell. This woman who could first be his closest friend before coming his lover. In the chapter prior to this Lewis talks about friendship and how it can only occur if both people share a common vision not just the desire to have friends. The way he describes his true version of Eros seems much the things. Friends came grow to lovers, but lovers rarely have the grounds to later become friends.  

Lewis explains that Eros is the falling in love part, not necessarily that this is the being in love part. Being in love requires much more work than that of the falling stages. This is the part of the essay and recording that struck me the most. Lewis compares the love that a couple shares to that of a garden in nature. The garden must be tended and cared for so as to not grow weeds as the love of a couple must also be tended. The amount of effort put in to something is what you will get out. No love can survive in a starved desert, but if time is taken to cultivate the plants then a beautiful garden will be the product.